I’m pretty certain that all women have desired dating an alpha male at some point in their lives. Sometimes, we don’t even know why. What’s so tempting about that?
Are we too submissive, and want to be controlled by someone else? Or, are we an alpha female ourselves, and find the man with the same personality all too exciting?
Whatever the reason is, this type of relationship unimaginably attracts us.
We either get bored with a guy who’s so unsure of himself that he never knows what to do, or we don’t know what to do ourselves, and need a guy who will lead the way.
The trouble, however, comes when we mistake abusive men for alphas. Stay here if you want to learn the difference and how to date a real alpha.
What Do Alpha Males Want In A Relationship?
Alpha males aren’t any different than the next guy. They want someone who will listen to what they have to say with interest, and support them in all they wish to accomplish, all the while being confident about who they are…
Myth vs. reality
What should you be like? Can your relationship work out if you’re an alpha woman ? Let’s answer all these questions!
1. He has to have the last word
This is not necessarily true. While an alpha male is a dominant individual, he doesn’t always strive to be right no matter what. If he’s mature enough, he’ll admit when he’s wrong. If he isn’t, then he’ll want to win.
While this can be cute at times, it gets annoying if it happens all the time. Teasing is acceptable and very attractive, but be careful to distinguish it from arrogance.
2. If you’re soft, he will more likely be attracted to you
You’ve heard plenty of times that a masculine man needs a feminine woman. This is wrong on so many levels.
Firstly, an alpha man isn’t necessarily masculine. You can be an extremely skinny poetry lover kind of guy, and still be an alpha if you have the charisma and the confidence.
Secondly, you can never say with such conviction what any man likes. Some alpha males may like feminine women, and others may not.
Stop putting everything into boxes, and limiting yourself to what someone else might like.
3. You have to praise him the whole time to boost his ego
You surely heard this a thousand times because alpha men are seen as arrogant and egocentric. But, we’ve seen that’s not quite true.
Either way, like any other human being, they deserve encouragement when they need it. You don’t have to compliment him constantly only to appeal to him, though. Only if you genuinely feel like saying something, then say it.
What’s the point in uttering words only for someone to like us for it? Don’t you want to have someone who you like so much that you don’t need to fake compliments at all?
How Do You Date An Alpha Male?
When it comes to dating an alpha male, all you really need to do is be whoever you are, and let him do the same.
If he tries to connect with you on a deeper level , don’t mock him, but rather, truly LISTEN. This is how you’ll do that:
1. Show support
Just like any other type of guy, an alpha male needs your support. Always listen to what he has to say, and offer him whatever he needs at the moment – validation or advice.
If you don’t agree with something, you can state your opinion freely, but in the end, remember – it’s his life, not yours. The same goes for him, so don’t hesitate to remind him if he happens to forget.
2. If he opens up, don’t make fun of him
If a guy decides to share something intimate about himself, appreciate it.
Don’t ridicule his pain or call him dramatic and womanly when he gets really upset about it. That’s nothing to be ashamed of, and emotions aren’t just for women. Offer him validation, and relate if you can.
3. Be yourself
This is the most important advice I could give you – you don’t need to change any aspect of your personality in order to appeal to an alpha man.
In the end, we always look our best when we are unapologetically ourselves . And, I find that we can only create a true connection with another human being if we abandon any type of pretense.
If a guy doesn’t want you, that doesn’t mean you’re not good enough … just that you’re not for him. And, if you’re not for him, then he’s not for you. Never force relationships with people because you, too, deserve effort, acceptance, and adoration.
Maybe there’s another alpha just around the corner who will offer you all those things.
4. Leave if it becomes toxic
We’ve seen that alpha males are naturally dominant and slightly intimidating. However, if these traits cross certain boundaries, you won’t be too happy in such a relationship.
Dating an alpha male who is toxic should never be an option.
Notice the toxic patterns, and DON’T EXCUSE THEM, but know when it’s time to move on . It’s true that everyone makes mistakes, but if they continuously make you miserable, then I hope you remind yourself that you deserve much more than that.
Can An Alpha Male Date An Alpha Female?
When you are both dominant (in a healthy way!), it makes the relationship all the more exciting. So, if that’s what you’re into, why not go for it?
Just always keep in mind the traits of a true alpha, and stay clear from anyone who doesn’t have good intentions.
From an alpha female perspective, I can say that dating a true alpha male is liberating because you both feel free enough to be who you really are.
Your strength is greatly appreciated by your partner, and you’re not trying to establish dominance over one another. Instead, you enjoy a perfectly balanced relationship .
Dating An Alpha Male: Are Alpha Males Good Boyfriends?
The answer is yes… If he’s a TRUE alpha male.
Most negative traits that are nowadays considered alpha male traits belong to alpha pretenders who are toxic enough to ruin you forever.
A guy wanting to control any aspect of your life is the last thing you should want. Only if he recognizes and actively works towards improving that part of him, is he deserving enough to be with you.
So, be the kind of woman who places a high value on your own needs. That’s the main definition of a successful woman.
What Are The Characteristics Of An Alpha Male?
You probably associate the term ‘alpha male’ with dominance, control, and intimidation. And, to a certain extent, that’s true.
These traits do belong to them, but not in a toxic way. They rather make them natural leaders who will achieve success in whichever area of business they opt for.
But, let’s dig a bit deeper into each of the characteristics this type of man is known for.
1. He’s extremely confident
The alpha man always knows exactly what he wants, and guess what? He will tread towards his goal in the most confident manner possible.
Even if a thousand obstacles get in his way, he will observe them rationally in order to overcome them.
No obstacle is great enough to stop him because he has the necessary skill set to deal with them.
His confidence is obvious not only in such actions, but also in the way he moves and speaks. You won’t ever hear him hesitate or be insecure about something.
Of course, that doesn’t mean that he isn’t. He just doesn’t SHOW it.
He deals with it on his own, and instead of focusing on the fear of failure, he overcomes it and goes straight for what he wants. And, trust me, he usually gets it.
2. He’s the most charismatic man you’ve ever met
The charisma of an alpha male is unparalleled. Whenever you see him, he is surrounded by people who carefully listen to everything he has to say.
Or, even if he’s alone, it’s like he radiates alpha energy that you instantly recognize… And probably want to absorb.
Even simply making prolonged eye contact with him excites you inexplicably, let alone being his partner.
This is why you can never be fed up with this kind of man. Even if he’s just there being and doing nothing much, you couldn’t enjoy him more.
Men probably always go to him for advice, and women are constantly drawn to him. This might make you jealous, perhaps.
But, unless there’s an actual reason to be jealous, that’s a problem you have to deal with on your own. Or, do share it with him, and maybe you can solve it together. Communication really is the key.
3. He will protect you at all times
A true alpha male will never want to protect you only for the sake of having you for himself. He knows it’s not about him.
He rather wants to keep you safe and happy, and eliminate every potential threat to your happiness. This kind of man is NEVER a threat himself as many may think.
If you ever find yourself in a situation when you finally realize that you have to cater to his every whim, and that he somehow makes you extremely uncomfortable, just know that you’re not dating an alpha male but an alpha pretender.
An alpha male’s goal is to create a space for you in which you’ll be able to completely be yourself. Your decisions as well as his are taken into consideration because after all, you’re in this together.
You’re a couple, but with individual needs, and no party is more important than the other one. If you feel like this is lacking, that’s your cue to leave. Or, try to talk it out first.
What Is NOT An Alpha Male?
If you think an alpha male is an egocentric, possessive control freak, you couldn’t be further from the truth.
You’ve already seen in the previous paragraphs how to recognize true alpha male traits, but now I’m about to show you exactly what to avoid.
1. He’s too controlling
Have you ever found yourself putting away that pretty dress because it was too short, and you were afraid of what your boyfriend might say?
Have you ever been scared to have a simple friendly conversation with another man?
Were you not allowed to post that picture that showed ‘’too much’’ because he was jealous?
Let me tell you right away, that was not an alpha you were dating.
I want you to never forget that your body and mind are completely your own, and you are allowed to make your own decisions.
If a man ever wants to take that away from you, dump him (if you can’t reason with him) because really, you aren’t doing anything wrong.
I hope you never think otherwise. What you wear doesn’t define you as a person, not in a way he may think.
There are many other examples that I’m sure you, yourself, can think of.
We all find ourselves in different situations where we feel like the fake alpha males are strangling our individuality. Don’t ever let them do that.
Remember that you are both individuals, and you have the same rights as him. It’s not only up to him because relationships should be about mutual respect and mutual effort.
If he doesn’t like your confrontations, or you don’t like having things to confront him about in the first place, that’s your cue.
2. He constantly puts you down
At some point in your life, you have probably found yourself looking at a guy humiliating someone. Even though you were disgusted, you thought, ‘’oh, he’s an alpha.’’ Well, I have news for you.
Any guy (or person) that feels the need to put someone else down is actually weak.
If you feel that a person is in some way less important than you, and you don’t hesitate to show them that, then I’m afraid the problem is YOU.
Real alphas, though definitely dominant and the heart of every situation, will NEVER try to make you feel unworthy. This type of man is just naturally charismatic, and people are drawn to his energy.
If fear and intimidation is the only way a guy can earn someone’s respect, know that you’re not dating an alpha male.
That is just one toxic individual who would make your life a living hell if you got any closer to him… So don’t.
3. He’s not the emotional type
This trait is a bit more complicated because true alphas aren’t necessarily emotional nor are they necessarily rational. And, both are completely fine, too.
We may associate rationality with coldness, but it isn’t so bad as long as it’s not a complete avoidance of what you feel.
The truth is, alpha males do experience extreme emotions.
They’re human, after all. They just (mostly) prefer not talking about it, but rather dealing with it internally.
Emotions Don’t Make You Less Manly
Men, and especially alpha men, believe that showing their emotions is somehow a weakness. And, that’s perfectly understandable because that’s what they’ve been hearing all their lives.
‘’Man up’’ is literally the phrase that is uttered every time a man feels hopeless about a situation. And, upon hearing it for the hundredth time, they finally ‘’man up.’’
Appearing weak is not an option. Sadly, men are often perceived that way when their emotions get the best of them.
They are ridiculed by both men and women when they show love too much, and they are praised when they are cold and ‘’manly’’.
Crying isn’t allowed either. Knowing what the outcome will be if they show their sensitive side, they simply choose not to do so. It’s hard for men in general, but for alphas, all the more.
It’s important to take into consideration that despite their ‘ emotionally unavailable ’ tendencies, they indeed do have them.
If they have difficulties with expressing them, you can help instead of judge them. Let’s change the narrative!
Alpha VS Beta Males
Upon having a discussion with my friend about alpha and beta males, I once more saw how we all see things differently.
I told her how much I hate that men are categorized in this way because it puts beta males as somehow inferior to the former.
What she responded was that for her, a beta male is actually the kind of guy we had been describing as toxic earlier in this article.
But sadly, what most people consider beta males to be is weak and unmanly because they are the nice guys who are too sensitive. So, I want you to take a moment and truly think to yourself:
”What is so wrong about men being sensitive?”
Do you really want your partner to be incapable of love? Do you want him to treat you coldly?
That might excite and intrigue you at first, but would you really want a long-term relationship let alone a marriage with such a man?
Showing how you feel is strength. Not suppressing your pain is the first step of dealing with it because while most people mistake coldness for strength, such people are ruled by pain. They’re just not aware of it.
Essentially, if you want an alpha partner, go for it. If you prefer to date a shy guy , good for you, too.
Your tastes are valid, but what’s not is you treating someone like they matter less because they are more feminine than manly.
Reject such behaviours. Let’s embrace each other’s individuality.
Never Put Up With Mistreatment
In reality, giving you relationship advice isn’t exactly what I’m here for. But, I do want to show you what’s healthy and what isn’t, and it’s on you to decide if that’s the kind of guy you want to form a long-term relationship with.
A lot of people don’t appreciate themselves enough to prevent an alpha guy when he strays from his truest nature – protection. This is not their fault, but it’s something they can work on.
In the end, it’s our job to surround ourselves with people who will positively impact our mental health.
Nobody else is going to do it for us. Choose yourself , and take control of your own life.
If you desire a dominant guy too much, that’s fine. But, make sure that your needs, too, are taken care of. Unhealthy is not exciting. It’s just unhealthy.
Essentially, dating an alpha male is more ideal than you might’ve initially thought.
They are charismatic, confident, and fun, and all the traits such as control and intimidation connected to them actually belong to alpha pretenders.
Leave such toxicity behind, and stop making excuses for them. You deserve the world, and don’t you forget it! Good luck!