When you’re watching a romantic comedy, and the whole plot could be resolved by a single honest conversation, you want to yell, “Just tell him already!” But she never does because that would be too simple.
Looking from an outside perspective can make anyone feel like a relationship expert.
It seems that telling someone what you want them to know would be easy, but when our own feelings are at stake, things get complicated.
You’re wondering, “Why does he text me everyday if he only wants friendship?” While you could simply ask him, there’s no guarantee of a straight answer or an instant happy ending like in the movies.
There are other ways to find out, however, and we’re going to take it step by step.
Why Does He Text Me Everyday If He Only Wants Friendship? Hmm…
There isn’t a single clear-cut answer to this because it depends on too many things. Even so, although it’s hard to know for sure, you can get a pretty good idea.
Before you can figure this out, you need to think about three things: what you want, your current relationship with him, and the content and the frequency of his text messages.
We’re going to get to the bottom of this with some questions. Luckily, the only person who can answer these is you.
1. Is there interest in a romantic relationship?
• Do you want to date this guy? First of all, figure out if you’re wondering about his intentions just because you’re talking and he seems like a possible option or because you’re actually interested in him.
• Are you both single? If you’re both available, chances of him or you being interested are higher. Pay attention to his words.
• Are either of you in a committed relationship? Presuming he’s interested, being with him would mean either a breakup or cheating.
Are you prepared to go through a breakup for this guy or know he left his girlfriend for you? Would you cheat with him or take part in his cheating?
• Are you friends? People sometimes define being friends with members of the opposite sex as ‘not dating.’ Is there an actual friendship between you?
Do you feel the fondness you feel for your other friends for him?
Friendship gives you warm feelings, but if you don’t have many male friends, it can be easy to confuse those feelings with attraction.
• Do you talk like platonic friends? Does he talk to you about other girls and ask you about dating other guys and doesn’t act weird or jealous about it? Or does he seem invested in your love life?
In other words, when a guy wants to scope the situation to see if he has a chance, the conversation is different from how you would talk about dating with your other friends.
Answering these questions has probably made things a little clearer. Let’s move on.
2. What is your current relationship?
Exes
If you’re exes who decided to stay friends, is that what you both want?
It can be really hard if one person is hung up on the other person when they have moved on. Staying friendly can prove a challenge, let alone if you keep in touch on a regular basis.
• He wants to get back together
Think about whether it seems like he really wants to be friends or if it seems like he wants to get back together. Since this is someone you know well, you can probably get a good idea from the way he’s texting you.
You can also just ask him why he’s giving you mixed signals by texting you all the time. Having been in a relationship with him, you can probably tell whether he’s being honest.
• You want to get back together
If it’s you who might want to get back together, and he’s not showing interest, don’t let him hurt your feelings and cause another heartbreak.
Staying friends immediately after a breakup can be nearly impossible if one person still likes the other. Be on your own side and ask him to stop texting so much. You don’t owe him an explanation.
Friends
The situation is most complicated if you’ve been friends for a while.
It’s a precarious situation because a friendship is seemingly at risk – if one friend wants romance, and it isn’t reciprocated, what will happen to the relationship?
• How likely is it for friends to become lovers?
The good news is romantic relationships developing between friends is a very common occurrence. According to a 2021 study on the ways people get together, around 68% of romantic relationships begin as friendships.
If you or your guy friend want to take your relationship to the next level, it’s nothing unusual. You might be wondering, “Why does he text me everyday if he only wants friendship?” but the answer might be that things are starting to change and move in a new direction.
• Are you afraid it isn’t reciprocated?
Falling in love with a friend ensures that the foundation for a long-term relationship is already there. If you’re worried that you might lose a good friend if he doesn’t feel the same, the chances of that happening are lower than they seem.
Would you drop your best friend if he told you he liked you and you didn’t like him back? You’d only be worried about how he’s taking it, and with time, things would be fine.
Recent acquaintances
If you’ve only just met, things between you are still undefined.
The way your relationship will develop depends greatly on your circumstances. What’s going on in your lives, and what are you looking for?
• Attracted, but unsure
If he says he’s only interested in friendship, that doesn’t mean he isn’t attracted to you.
There might be other things that have influenced his decision, such as a recent end of a relationship, other problems in his life, or he simply doesn’t know what he wants.
• Getting to know each other
Your text conversations are a way for you to get to know each other. Think of them as dates, in a sense. You’re evaluating each other to decide where to go.
If you’re talking about meaningful things such as your lives, families, past relationships, it’s a good sign.
He’s showing an interest in getting to know you and sharing personal things about himself.
• How did it start?
What are you hoping to get from talking to him? Are you interested, or are you enjoying talking to him? A hint to both of your intentions might be the way you met.
If you met through friends, it isn’t the same as if you met through social media or a dating app. If he swiped right, he’s probably looking for something other than having more female friends.
FWB
If you’re friends with benefits, you should only text each other when you want to meet up. Otherwise, someone might catch feelings unless it’s already happened.
No matter the reason he texts you every day, you need to make a decision about your relationship and talk to him.
• He wants more friendship or more benefits
If a guy you have an FWB arrangement with is texting you every day, it could mean that he’s taking the ‘friends’ part too seriously or that he wants more ‘benefits.’
If he’s after more benefits and you want that, too, let him know it’s fine.
If he really wants to be friends, tell him that you can’t be friends in the same way as you could if you weren’t hooking up. If friendship is more important, you can always stop the other part of your relationship.
• He likes you
He might already have feelings for you and still claim that he only wants to be friends (with benefits, in this case.)
He’s hiding his feelings either because he thinks you don’t want that or because he’s hoping that the relationship will develop further on its own.
If he has feelings for you, are you OK with that? Do you want a relationship with him, or is it only a ‘no strings attached’ thing? It’s up to you to decide how to proceed here.
3. What does he text about?
• Memes/jokes. He’s either using them to break the ice, or he’s a meme guy.
When a guy texts you only funny stuff, it’s probably safe to say that he’s including you in his list of friends he likes to have fun with.
On the other hand, he could be really awkward, and his texts are the only way he knows how to communicate with you.
He’s never going to make the first move, so if you like his memes, give him a huge hint that he might have a chance.
• Practical things. He’s texting to ask for the number of your handyman, to borrow your notes, or to ask when some TV show starts.
If this is all he texts, it could be that he really wants to know, and he’s treating you like his personal Google.
On the other hand, you’re here wondering, “He texts me everyday, what’s going on?” Are his texts a little too much? It’s fair to ask yourself if he’s making excuses just to talk to you.
• Personal stuff. Do you talk about your feelings?
Does he want to know everything about you? Talking about your dreams and your worries shows you’re opening up and developing a connection.
Does he send you long, thought-out chunks of text sharing personal stuff? At the end of the day, by putting effort into getting to know you, he’s showing that he cares.
When you pay attention to all the hints, you will probably know in what way exactly.
• Flirty texts. Is he sending you compliments or teasing you?
If he’s flirty, he could be interested, or he could just be a huge flirt. There are people who flirt with everyone, so use your judgment to figure out if it’s casual or if it has a purpose.
He might be testing the waters by flirting, so to speak – trying to figure out whether you’re interested.
If you are, flirt back!
• Sexting.
“Why does he text me everyday if he only wants friendship,” you ask? It turns out the texts he sends are eggplant emojis and dirty talk.
No wonder you’re confused and looking for relationship advice.
Unless you’re FWB, sexting your friends is kind of weird. Really close friends doing it in a joking way could be funny, but if it’s serious, it’s definitely not a friends-only thing to do.
4. How often does he text you?
There are certain signs that his texts have a romantic undertone. When he texts, whether he starts conversations, and how quickly he replies all provide hints to his feelings.
• Texting just to say hi.
Texting to say good morning or good night is a huge indication of interest. Unless he’s texting all of his contacts – and he isn’t – it shows that you’re on his mind a lot.
Early or late texts show that he’s thinking about you when he wakes up and before he goes to sleep.
• Texting when he’s busy.
Texting in the middle of the day shows he doesn’t forget about you even while he’s busy.
Getting a text from him while he’s hanging out with his friends or when he’s spending time doing something interesting indicates that he thinks about you even when he’s out having fun.
• Texting throughout the day.
Is he keeping the conversation going all day long, replying with cute remarks, and sending things that remind him of you? Does he start a conversation, and it doesn’t end even the next day?
When you’re wondering, “Is he playing mind games or does he love me?” the frequency of his texts can give you the answer.
It’s up to you to judge his sincerity. If he’s letting you know that you’re always on his mind – even if he says he only wants to be friends – it shows that there’s something special between you.
• Texting first.
Who initiates the texting? If it’s always you and you’re unsure about his feelings, try to stop and see if he’ll still try to start a conversation or ghost you. This might give you a good picture of his state of mind.
If it’s him who usually texts first, he clearly wants to talk to you. Figuring out why will be easy if you take everything we’ve talked about into account.
• Quick replies.
Does he reply immediately or after some time?
It’s hard to tell how he feels without seeing his face and body language, but quick replies mean that receiving your text makes him happy and excited. He won’t be able to resist replying quickly, even if he’s trying to keep his cool.
The significance of this also depends on whether he’s someone who always has his phone on him or not.
What about you? What happens the first time you don’t reply to his text?
So Why Does He Text Me Every Day?
If you’ve thought about the questions above, you might already have an idea why he’s texting so much. You can look at it as a sort of a create-your-own-answer type of situation.
EXAMPLE 1
Let’s say you’re both single and have been friends for a while. You’ve recently started liking him when he showed you a more thoughtful side of himself.
He texts you every night when he comes home from work and talks about his day. Sometimes he teases you and makes you laugh.
Why do you think he’s texting?
The most probable answer is that he likes you, but he’s trying to hide it.
You both assume that because you’re friends, things developing further are off the table. Still, all you want to do is spend time together, even if it’s only texting.
Try giving him a hint that you like him back, or if you’re feeling brave, make a move outright.
EXAMPLE 2
You met him at a friend’s party and hit it off. You exchanged numbers and have been talking about your interests, experiences, and everything else that comes to mind.
You thought you were hitting it off until he said he just got out of a relationship and is just looking for a friend right now.
Why is he still texting every day?
Take him at face value and believe him when he says he only wants to be friends. Don’t assume something will happen eventually and sit around waiting.
He might be attracted to you, and he might change his mind about dating you at some point, but if he’s said he wasn’t interested in pursuing a relationship, believe him.
Your attention might be an ego boost for him at this time. If you let your feelings take over, it would only be a rebound relationship for him, and you might get hurt.
Decide if you want a friendship with him, and if you do, enjoy his company. If you’re only interested in him in a romantic sense, let him know that you can’t talk to him anymore.
Putting It All Together
Now that you have the tools to figure out what’s going on by yourself, you can apply them to your particular situation.
If you’re asking yourself, “Why does he text me everyday if he only wants friendship?”
The key is figuring out if he really only wants friendship, and if he does, either stay friends or cut him off.
If you determine that he’s only using friendship as a cover for his feelings, let him know if you also want something else.
Trust your intuition and use common sense.
Don’t let wishful thinking cloud your judgment, but also don’t let fear detract you from pursuing a romantic relationship if you think both of you want it.