I once noticed my best friend texting my ex-boyfriend. When I confronted her, she was slightly confused because she didn’t see it as a big deal. She never perceived him as a potential partner but rather as just a friend.
Still, I wasn’t okay with the situation. It bothered me that she was close to someone who still matters to me.
Now, whenever they speak, she casually mentions it to me. She knows how much I care about this, so she makes sure to let me know about their conversations (which rarely ever happen).
She chose my happiness over a potential friendship. Why? One word: girl code.
What is girl code? What are the rules it consists of? Can you ever break those rules if need be?
Well, my fellow reader, if you continue reading, you will get all your answers!
What Is Girl Code?
Girl code essentially signifies a list of unwritten rules that all girls follow without question. These rules don’t just apply to your close friends, but to all women out there!
If one of them needs a tampon, you aren’t going to just stand there knowing full well that you have an extra in your purse!
The bottom line is that you value your female friendships (or potential ones) above everything else. No guy friend or boyfriend can ever take their place!
What Are The Rules For Girl Code?
There are many rules of girl code. At their very core lie mutual respect and appreciation.
But what does that really mean?
How do those traits manifest in our behavior?
What is girl code, and how do you put it into practice?
Well, if you’re desperately curious about the answers, read on to find out! These are some of the rules of girl code:
1. No little white lies
If you think a different kind of birthday outfit would suit her better, why not tell her?
If you think the picture she posted on social media doesn’t accentuate her best features, why not be honest about it?
You don’t have to be rude and make her feel unattractive or incapable. Just share your real thoughts, and then it’s up to her to do what she wants!
2. Morality is a social concept
One of the major problems nowadays is girls judging each other for their sexual experiences. If you’re too experienced, you’re a ‘hoe,’ and if you’re a virgin, you’re ‘boring.’ Stop this.
Does a man’s approval really matter so much that you’re willing to degrade young women who’ve done you no harm?
Wouldn’t it be more fulfilling to support their bold life choices and be inspired by them?
3. Words have consequences
Being jealous of another woman is just a sign of how much you don’t appreciate yourself. It’s okay not to like someone and how they behave, but devoting your time to provide extensive commentary on their life is unnecessary and toxic.
Instead of calling another girl ugly, praise her beauty! Instead of saying her success isn’t earned, congratulate her! You’ll see how much better you’ll feel and what great bonds you’ll create!
4. The forbidden zone
If you were contemplating dating your best friend’s ex-boyfriend… stop it right now. He is OFF LIMITS!
Think about it: How would you feel if she came up to you and said that she’s interested in someone you had a thing with? Would you be okay with it? Or would you feel like your friend has betrayed you?
Some people simply belong in the forbidden zone, and you shouldn’t approach them for the sake of your friendship. Always put your friend first!
5. No room for harsh words
What do you do when your BFF calls herself unattractive?
What do you say when she feels that she’s not good enough?
I hope you don’t stay silent! In moments like these, she needs your encouragement and support the most. Think about the times you felt this way.
Didn’t you desperately want someone to show you how inaccurate your self-perception was?
6. Her life – her decisions
It’s not uncommon for us not to like our friend’s boyfriend. However, as much as our feelings are valid, we’re still not allowed to interfere with their relationship.
Express how you feel about him and state whatever it is that’s bothering you so much, but keep in mind that it’s her life we’re talking about here.
7. Friendship comes with responsibilities
Help your best friend’s crush see her most extraordinary qualities. Don’t let her stand in a corner all alone and sad because she doesn’t know how to hook up with him!
Remember – her happiness is your responsibility.
8. Primary vs. secondary people
One of the rules of guy code is ‘bros before hoes.’ Well, us girls aren’t any different.
What is girl code?
We put each other first. We never betray each other for a guy because we deem our friendship the most important thing, whereas we can always easily find another crush!
9. Fighting battles together
How do you act when your best friend gets into a fight?
Do you just stand by, or do you support her?
If it’s the former, you might want to rethink your ways. Us girls need to stick up for each other. Don’t let your bestie fight her battles alone.
10. Honesty is the best policy
Don’t even think about talking behind your friend’s back! Whatever you have to say, say it to her face. Practice healthy communication because gossip doesn’t help solve the issue.
Besides, doesn’t she deserve to hear how you feel?
Isn’t your friendship strong enough to withstand anything you have to say?
Now, these are only the top 10 among many other golden girl code rules! There is so much more to this puzzling concept!
Is It OK To Break Girl Code?
Yes…. depending on the rule.
As you’re probably aware, no rule is flawless, and there are always situations where we simply have to break them.
What kind of situations are those when it comes to girl code? Is it really okay to betray your friend like that?
Well, worry not, because all your thoughts are about to be clarified. Read on to see when it’s okay to break girl code and when it isn’t.
When it’s OK
As we’ve established, breaking certain rules isn’t as bad as they paint it to be. It shouldn’t always be perceived as betrayal.
If you find this too shocking, here are some situations that might change your opinion:
1. Your friend doesn’t respect the code either.
Honestly, if your friend doesn’t care about your feelings, you’re not obligated to respect hers either. Of course, this doesn’t mean that you should do your best to hurt her in any way.
It simply means that you should never jeopardize your own happiness for her sake. That’s not ‘bitchy’ behavior. If she once flirted with your crush, don’t feel guilty for flirting with hers (although that’s definitely not the wisest course of action).
The best thing that you could do is end the friendship. There’s no point in hanging out with someone who doesn’t see your friendship as the sacred connection that it is… or at least that it should be.
2. Their beef isn’t necessarily yours.
Let’s face it – we all have someone we hate. And, we usually expect our best friends to hate them, too, especially in high school. While it’s important to support them in cases of utter mistreatment, their enemy doesn’t always have to be yours.
I remember struggling with my feelings towards my ex’s new girlfriend. Most of my friends loved her… even I did. But at moments when I didn’t, I never got angry with them for not ‘feeling my feelings.’
That’s not a reasonable thing to expect. They have the right to like whoever they want, and so do you.
3. You can date their ex if they’re okay with it.
Dating your friend’s ex is a strange step to take. However, if they genuinely give their consent, what’s stopping you?
Just make sure that they mean it. They may have your happiness in mind without caring how it will actually affect them. If they’re that type of person, it’s up to you to take care of them.
If you sense that they still have feelings for them, don’t pursue the relationship. Put your friendship first. Sometimes we have to make certain sacrifices. This would be yours.
4. Interfere with her relationships if there is abuse involved.
I cannot stress this enough – if you notice any sign of physical or emotional abuse in your friend’s relationship, please do something.
Talk to her and encourage her to abandon her partner. Convince her that she deserves much better than what she’s got! You can’t do much until she realizes that she should free herself.
You’d be surprised how hard that can be. Women are so often subjected to gaslighting and, believing everything’s their fault, they never even think of finding a way out. They believe they don’t even need it.
Even when they want a way out, they don’t know how. Play your part and show them.
5. If she’s really happy, let her be.
Sure, you can tell her that her outfit doesn’t suit her. But, if you see that she’s truly happy just being a hot mess girl, don’t be pushy.
Her happiness matters more than anything else. Let her wear whatever she feels comfortable in! Let her do whatever pleases her, no matter how silly it looks!
You don’t need to lie nor suppress your opinions. But think about it: Isn’t your goal to support her when she obviously feels good about herself?
When it isn’t OK
While it’s okay to break the girl code sometimes, we should remember that it exists for a reason. Certain lines should never be crossed.
But what lines are those? Here’s your answer:
1. She still has feelings for her ex.
If your friend is still in love with her ex-boyfriend, and that still doesn’t stop you from hooking up with him, that’s not very thoughtful of you.
Such an action lacks the empathy that marks a true friendship. You’re indifferent about her feelings and care about nothing but your own happiness.
The fact that your new relationship opens old wounds and creates new ones is no concern of yours because, after all, you got what you wanted, right?
Even the sincerest of apologies can’t excuse your behavior. Why? Because they’re just words. Your actions tell an entirely different story, and that is: you don’t care about your friendship.
2. You’re supporting her abuser/leaving her alone to deal with them.
It’s true that our friend’s nemesis isn’t necessarily our own. However, when that nemesis so clearly does her harm, I hope you realize that it’s your job to defend her.
You can’t leave her alone in a hurtful situation because that’s not how you treat a best friend! They don’t just leave when times are hard! They all stick together!
Moreover, don’t support their abuser. This can be hard as we often don’t know how to identify abuse, but it’s very possible to learn.
The bottom line is you should always stand up for your friend. You can criticize them in private, but in public, always stand by their side!
3. She’s happy with her boyfriend, but you keep talking badly about him.
What is girl code? Essentially, if you don’t like her boyfriend, for no valid reason, here’s what you need to remember:
You don’t have the right to try to convince her that he’s not the right guy. After all, you’re not the one dating him.
Your personal preferences play no role in her love life. Your only job is being honest with her, all the while supporting her in whatever she chooses.
If you see that she’s happy, be happy for her. It really is that simple.
4. You resent her for many things but are never open about it.
I know it’s not always easy to talk about what bothers you. This is why I advise you to take some time to process how you feel. Just make sure you eventually verbalize it… to the right person.
Venting to someone else about a problem you have with your friend isn’t necessarily gossip. Maybe you just don’t know how to approach the problem.
My roommate once told me to freely open up to another person if I’m unable to say it to her. I can’t describe how much I appreciated her at that moment.
She understands how hard it is. But, as much as that’s true, you really need to go to the very source. Why not grab some ice cream, play some music on MTV, and talk it out?
5. You want her to choose between you and a guy.
In all honesty, sometimes a guy will care more about her than you. After all, he isn’t the one giving her ultimatums.
If you really cared about her, you would let her be happy with him AND stay good friends with her.
Don’t be surprised when she chooses him. She’s only letting go of someone who doesn’t know how to love her properly.
The Problem With Girl Code
People believe that girl code is discriminative towards the LGBT+ community, but that’s not really true. What is girl code in its essence?
Well, if there’s a love triangle between three girls, the same rule applies: honest communication and mutual respect.
If you have a female best friend and a girlfriend, the more the merrier! You’re not obliged to choose.
This article may mostly be about friendship, but regardless of the nature of your female relationships, the core idea of girl code still stands – we are always there for each other.
I hope that the next time someone asks you ”what is girl code?” you are able to give them an extensive answer!
Tell them about all the rules and when it’s acceptable to break them. Tell them how girls always stick up for each other and how nothing can break them apart. Tell them how we value each other’s happiness and will do anything to achieve it.
Above all, tell them that even though girl code comes with certain problems, at its core, there is love, and that never changes.