Las inevitables etapas de la ruptura (+ 5 etapas del duelo)

All the sadness, frustration, anger, and brokenness that a breakup leaves behind isn’t something that can be sealed with ease.

As much as you try, you just can’t go through a breakup and move on with your life in a jiff. That’s absolutely impossible, and once you accept it, you’ll be a step closer to recovering.

There are some excruciating stages of breakup that we all, unfortunately, have to go through and deal with in order to gather the strength to leave it all behind. Before all else, let’s first find out ?

La fea verdad detrás de las rupturas

Las rupturas siempre dejan rompecorazones detrás. Pueden hacernos caer en una auténtica barrena emocional. Whether we like it or not, one person will always end up hurt, and that’s, unfortunately, inevitable.

Por más vueltas que le des o por más que intentes encontrar la mejor manera de poner fin a la relación, al final siempre quedará una persona con el corazón roto.

También puede haber arrepentimientos. Un miembro de la pareja siempre lo pasará mal dejarse llevar y llegar a un acuerdo con la ruptura.

Those are simply facts and, unfortunately, you can’t do much to change it. No matter how ugly and hurtful it is, sometimes ending a relationship is the best option we have.

However, don’t take this the wrong way if you’re afrontar una ruptura ahora mismo. La buena noticia es que al final todos nos curamos y reunimos fuerzas para seguir adelante.

It’ll take time, but you’ll recover, and you’ll be able to leave it all in the past.

After some time, you’ll understand that your ruptura was for the best, and that God removed that person from your life only because He has planned someone else… someone better for you.

It’ll take some time, but one day, you’ll be ready for a new relationship. After you go through all these stages of a breakup, along with the healing process, you’ll be ready to meet the right one… the person who is truly meant for you.

9 etapas de la ruptura para Dumpee

Lo cierto es que las rupturas son más duras para la persona que ha sido abandonada. Experimentan un verdadero choque emocional y pasan por etapas de ruptura diferentes a las de la persona que les ha dejado.

Si su pareja ha puesto fin a su relación, a continuación encontrará algunas fases inevitables de una ruptura y algunos consejos sobre relaciones que le ayudarán a sobrellevarla más fácilmente. Algunas son muy dolorosas, pero todas estas fases son inevitables si queremos seguir adelante con nuestras vidas.

1. La denegación

Sometimes, it’s difficult to accept and come to terms with a breakup, especially for the dumpee. No matter how much you try, you just can’t accept the fact that someone you love has broken up with you.

That’s when the first stage of the breakup hits you – the denial phase. After not being able to come to terms with the breakup, you’ll begin denying it and behaving like you’re still in a relationship.

You just won’t be able to accept the fact that your relationship has ended.

Maybe you don’t even love your partner like you used to, but you just got used to them, which will be the leading cause of not being able to let go of your relationship.

Ser abandonado por alguien a quien queremos siempre es difícil; afecta a nuestra autoestima y la salud mental.

Negar los hechos es probablemente uno de nuestros mecanismos de supervivencia.. We still aren’t able to confront the truth, and it’s so much easier for us to ignore the fact that our relationship has simply ended.

Por desgracia, eso nos complica y dificulta aún más las cosas. You have to remember that the sooner you accept the breakup, the sooner you’ll be ready to heal and move on.

2. Montaña rusa emocional

You’ll feel overwhelmed by this new reality that has hit you out of nowhere. You’ll constantly feel like you aren’t ready to accept the facts and deal with them.

You’ll feel a real emotional rollercoaster. The breakup will emotionally drain you. I get you… after all, the fact that someone you love won’t be in your life anymore is extremely difficult and painful to bear.

There is a whole range of different emotions you’ll feel every day. Depresión, anxiety, fear, sadness, confusion, anger… these are only a few emotions you’ll continuously be shifting between.

Give it time… ‘Cause el tiempo curay el tiempo ayuda a olvidar.

Necesitas pensar en todo. Necesitas procesar todo lo que ha pasado. Necesitas ordenar tus sentimientos y pensamientos. So, please don’t hurry your healing process.

La única forma correcta y sana de enfrentarse a tal cantidad de emociones es tomarse tiempo, comprenderlas y procesarlas lentamente. La paciencia debe ser tu mayor aliada en esta lucha.

3. Episodios depresivos

Muchas personas se deprimen después de romper con alguien who meant so much to them. Most of us feel that we’ll never be able para olvidarlos o para seguir adelante con nuestras vidas.

Te sientes impotente y desesperanzado porque tenías planes y sueños con esa persona, y ahora, todos ellos se han ido al traste. Echas de menos a tu ex even though that’s the last thing you want right now, but you just do and you can do nothing about it.

I know it’s difficult. I know you’re feeling a range of negative emotions right now. I know you’re thinking about how you’ll never meet a person like them ever again.

But, trust me… you will. You’ll meet someone even better. You’ll meet your alma gemela… the right person whose life mission will be to make you happy.

4. Aferrarse a la esperanza

If you aren’t the one who initiated the breakup, you’ll probably be full of hope that things will get better and that you’ll reconcile.

However, you’ll only disappoint yourself and hurt your heart even more than your ex did with their decision to break up.

Don’t believe in false hope. Come to terms with the fact that they wanted to break up with you, and that it’s probably because they don’t love you; there is no better explanation for it.

5. La poderosa etapa sin contacto

You’ve probably thought that acceptance is the final stage. Well, it’s not. There are five more stages, and the no-contact rule is one of those.

Probablemente te hayas puesto en contacto con tu ex tras la ruptura porque querías respuestas o porque intentaste volver con él.

Bien, ahora entiendes que lo mejor es cortar todo contacto durante algún tiempo, o quizá para siempre si la otra parte te ha hecho mucho daño o ha roto contigo de una forma horrible. Sí, tienes todo el derecho a bloquea a tu ex si siente la necesidad de hacerlo (a menos que ya te bloqueó). 

La regla del no contacto es, sin duda, la mejor manera de superar una ruptura. As long as you’re in contact with your ex, you can never move on completely.

You must be strong, tell them that you need some time alone, and that you don’t want to be in touch with them for a while.

You’ve prioritized your ex for too long; now it’s time to start prioritizing yourself again.

6. Etapa de aceptación

Esta es la siguiente etapa del proceso de ruptura para la persona abandonada. Y, con diferencia, la más importante.

It’s when the person accepts that their relationship has ended, and that they can do absolutely nothing to fix or save it anymore.

Acepta que ha llegado a un callejón sin salida. Te das cuenta de que lo mejor que puedes hacer es tender la mano a tu ex pareja y desearle lo mejor para el futuro.

Es entonces cuando finaliza la fase de no contacto. Tienes fuerzas para llamarles y hablar con ellos cara a cara.

If that’s the closure you want, and you think you need to end it all once and for all, deberías llamar a tu ex y pídeles que hablen.

You should only emphasize that you don’t want to talk about getting back together in order to avoid some unnecessary misunderstandings.

7. Dejar ir el resentimiento y las emociones negativas

Talk with yourself first. Be honest with yourself and admit that you’re hurt. Admit that you’re suffering. Usted rompiste con alguien a quien quieres or loved, and it’s perfectly normal that you feel sad.

You don’t have to pretend like everything is fine because it’s not.

You must talk with someone because you shouldn’t keep it all inside. It’s not healthy. It’ll affect your mental health, and leave some deep marks that you won’t be able to get rid of for a long time.

After you let all those negative emotions out, you’ll feel relieved instantly. And, then you’ll realize that you need to let go of those negative feelings. Let go of all the anger, bitterness, and resentment.

Remember that you don’t get rid of all these harmful emotions because of the other side. You only do it because of yourself.

The fact is, you’ll never be able to feel truly happy if your heart is poisoned with hatred and resentment.

8. Priorizar el proceso de curación

Your healing process doesn’t start right after your relationship ends. As you see, you need to go through several stages before you actually start to mend your broken heart.

You can’t start with the recovery process if you still haven’t faced and accepted your current situation.

And, unfortunately, you can’t move on until you heal. You can’t start a new relationship or let someone new enter your heart if it is still broken.

Cuídate. Construye un sistema de apoyo. Habla de tus traumas y encuentra la forma de afrontar los desencadenantes que te recuerdan constantemente tu dolor.

Haga de la curación su máxima prioridad. Your wounds are deep… too deep, and the only way to cure them is by allowing your healing to be as deep as they went.

9. Movimiento hacia delante

Yes, finally, we have come to the final stage. It’s my favorite, and I’m sure it’ll be yours, too. A whole new life is waiting for you, and you just have to be ready to embrace it.

Your breakup only means that your ex-partner wasn’t your soulmate. Your soulmate is still out there somewhere, and now you’re ready to meet them.

You won’t have to go through these painful phases with the next relationship because there won’t be any breaking up. You’ll find the person you’re meant to find, they’ll make you fall in love with them, and they will keep loving you until death does you part.

Mírate en el espejo. Dile a la persona que ves que crees en ella de todo corazón. Tell him / her that you know they’re brave and strong enough to endure this all.

Maybe you didn’t get the closure you wanted… Perhaps there are still some issues left unresolved… I know those things still hurt, but still, you have to leave it all behind, look to your future, and finally move on.

On the flip side, if you’re the one who initiated the breakup, or if you simply want to understand how a dumper handles a breakup, take a peek into these etapas de la ruptura para el dumper y descúbrelo.

8 etapas de la ruptura para los chicos

Even though most people (and by ‘most people’, I mean most women) think that guys simply go out, get drunk, and get over their breakup, that is actually very far from the truth.

Guys aren’t heartless… they also have emotions, and they can feel heartbroken after a breakup, too. También sufren cuando su amada les deja, pero deciden sobrellevar sus penas en paz.

They don’t like to show their emotions because they think it might make them seem less manly. That’s why they go through a bit of different stages of breakup than women do. So, let’s see cómo afrontar una ruptura de verdad.

1. The ‘delirium’ stage

En realidad, esta etapa es muy similar a la fase de negación. Men don’t refuse to believe that they’ve been dumped, but they get very confused and they don’t know what they should believe in anymore.

That’s when they start asking for answers. Actually, they’ll demand them. They want to know what made their partner break up with them. They’ll want to know exactly when they dejó de amarlos.

There will be many things bothering a guy after he gets dumped, and he’ll most definitely want to know the answers to all of his questions when it comes to the fin de su relación.

2. Embotellamiento

Suprimir las emociones es probablemente uno de los mayores mecanismos de defensa. And, guys tend to use this after a breakup because they think it’ll help them dejar de pensar en su ex  y seguir adelante.

They don’t want to show others that they’re suffering, and they think that bottling up their emotions is perhaps the best for everyone.

They won’t want to talk about their ex-partner or relationship at all. They will behave like everything is fine. Hanging out with their friends, going out, and leaving the impression as if they’re disfrutar de la vida como si nada hubiera pasado es lo que la mayoría de los hombres hacen después de una ruptura.

But, they’ll know that deep down, they’re suffering. Only they will know how much it truly hurts them inside. But, guys, let me give you a bit of friendly advice…

Putting on that facade of fake smiles won’t help you. Not allowing your ex-partner to see how hurt you are won’t help you. All that ‘life goes on’ and similar BS won’t help you.

Un día, todas esas emociones acumuladas en tu interior te estallarán en la cara. Entonces, surgirán los verdaderos problemas.

3. Recurrir a diferentes estrategias de afrontamiento

Además de reprimir sus emociones reales, los chicos también utilizan otros mecanismos de afrontamiento que les ayudan a superar la ruptura más rápidamente.

Unfortunately, they aren’t aware that all those things are only short-lived. La verdad es que nunca podrás superar una ruptura hasta que te des tiempo para llorar y curarte en paz.

Intentan lanzarse a una nueva relación y creen que este nuevo amor borrará las huellas del anterior. Creen que pueden dejar de pensar en su ex con una nueva pareja. Por supuesto, las cosas nunca son tan fáciles en la vida real.

También es posible que intenten ahogar sus penas bebiendo. Drowning your sorrows in alcohol is also not an efficient way to handle a breakup because you should know that they’re hellacious swimmers.

El único mecanismo de afrontamiento correcto que utilizan los hombres para sobrellevar el final de su relación es compartir sus emociones con su sistema de apoyo. Realmente puede hacer que te sientas aliviado cuando compartes tus penas y temores con tus seres queridos.

4. 4. Regulación emocional

Cuando se dan cuenta de lo perjudicial que es seguir reprimiendo sus emociones, entienden por fin que tienen que afrontarlas y tratarlas de forma sana.

Evitar o reprimir las emociones es más que tóxico y perjudicial para la salud emocional y mental de una persona.

So, what’s the best way to deal with overwhelming emotions? Talking… with yourself or with your loved one, it doesn’t matter. The important thing is that you need to let your emotions out and accept them as they are.

Además, intenta relajarte. Inspira todas tus emociones, las buenas y las malas, y luego espira y deja salir todo lo que te molesta.

Don’t be ashamed to talk about your feelings. Just because you’re a man doesn’t mean that you don’t have the right to feel hurt. Choose the person you trust the most and confide your feelings in them.

5. Enfado y frustración

Como dice la Dra. Kimberly Riley, LMFT, “Your anger may even be showing you the love that you had for the person that you never expressed; it is never too late to share those feelings, even when it feels like it is.”

It’s true, indeed. Your breakup hurts because sigues queriendo a tu ex pareja. You feel angry because you still have some feelings for them, and you can’t quite come to terms with breaking up with them.

Otherwise, if you didn’t have any romantic feelings for them, you wouldn’t feel anger.

6. Lograr la aceptación

This is when you’ve finally accepted your breakup and the fact that you can do nothing about it. A new life is starting for you, and you are finally able to embrace it.

You think that it’s time to leave your relationship in the past because that’s indeed where it belongs. Lo diste todo para salvar tu relación, and it didn’t work. However, you shouldn’t look at it as your failure.

Sometimes, we can’t go against our destiny, and yours was romper con su pareja. Sometimes, no matter how much we try or how much we want it, we just can’t save some things.

7. La fase de duelo

You’ve faced the breakup, you’ve accepted your emotions… you’ve accepted the fact that you’re hurt and that your heart is broken.

Now, it’s time to mourn your breakup. And, this time, you do it in the right way… you don’t facade your emotions or try to be a man and suck it all up.

Esta vez, lloras, te sientes deprimido, incluso rompes algunas cosas para dejar salir todos tus sentimientos desbordados. Por fin te permites hacer el duelo y compartirlo fuera de ti.

8. Seguir adelante

Por supuesto, la etapa final es dejarlo todo y dejar las cosas del pasado en el pasado.

Por fin te sientes preparado para abrir un nuevo capítulo en tu vida y mirar hacia el futuro. Usted deja atrás tu angustia and open your healed heart to someone new… to a new love.

6 etapas de la ruptura de una mujer

La mayoría de la gente dice que las mujeres afrontan las rupturas mucho peor que los hombres. The one and only truth is that breakups hit both men and women the same. The only difference is that women don’t try to hide their pain, unlike men.

Además, las mujeres también afrontan las rupturas de forma diferente. Pero, de nuevo, el hecho es que todos pasamos por estas mismas etapas de una ruptura que se enumeran a continuación:

1. Rechazar la verdad

Esta es la etapa de negación de una ruptura, y definitivamente hace que seguir adelante sea mucho más difícil. Maybe it’s because tu ex se comporta con frialdad, or maybe it’s because you don’t feel strong enough to accept the truth…

Bueno, el hecho es que negar la verdad es un mecanismo de defensa muy común para todos nosotros. However, it’s undeniably a very unhealthy and toxic way of dealing with our emotions.

You may think that it’s much easier to deny that you’re feeling sad or betrayed or that the person you truly love isn’t a part of your life anymore… Trust me, it’s much healthier to accept the truth and find a way to deal with all of its consequences as soon as possible.

2. Sentir emociones intensas

The denial stage also happens because we’re afraid to face our emotions. We’re scared of showing our vulnerabilities to others because we think that doing this gives them the power to hurt or betray us even more.

You have every right to feel hurt, betrayed, depressed, or angry. You’ve just broken up with the person you dreamed to say ‘I do’ to one day… it’s perfectly normal that you have these emotions.

Denying your feelings won’t make them disappear. You’ll have to confront them sooner or later, and the sooner you do, the sooner you’ll be able to let go of them and move on.

3. La indulgencia de la duda sobre uno mismo

Las rupturas afectan realmente a nuestro bienestar emocional y mental, pero dañan nuestra autoestima por encima de todo.

Empezamos a tener esas dudas de autoestima porque empezamos a pensar que la ruptura fue culpa nuestra. Maybe we aren’t pretty enough or maybe we didn’t try hard enough to keep our man… these thoughts soon start to occupy your mind. And, I’m not saying that you should allow them nor am I saying that they’re true…

However, it’s completely normal to go through this breakup stage, but you need to try to get over it as soon as possible. Date a ti mismo la validación que necesitas desesperadamente ahora mismo.

4. Aceptar la verdad

Este es el aspecto más significativo etapa del proceso de ruptura para cada mujer. Cuando aceptas, abrazas y ordenas tus sentimientos, por fin empiezas a aceptar la realidad.

Aceptas que tu relación ha terminado. Por fin te sientes preparado para olvidar cómo eran las cosas; dejas atrás los recuerdos y aceptas la separación.

Esta etapa es de enorme importancia para ti porque es cuando comienza tu proceso de curación. Te das cuenta de que la decisión para romper con tu novio era lo mejor, y empiezas a adaptarte a tu nueva realidad.

5. Centrarse en la recuperación

Una vez que finalmente aceptes el final de tu relación y dejes de querer recuperar a tu ex, it’s a good sign that your healing process has started.

That’s when you’ll feel able to céntrate en ti mismo y presta más atención a tu autocuidado.

You’ll start working on improving your self-esteem because your breakup has left some negative consequences on it.

Tienes que volver a conectar contigo mismo. You’ll need to take some time for yourself. Treat yourself with a weekend wellness gateway. Find a new hobby or anything that will take your mind off the breakup.

Incluso te vendría bien una desintoxicación total de las redes sociales. Todo ese acoso y pensando en enviar un mensaje de texto a tu ex en las redes sociales tiene que parar porque es lo que más te está impidiendo avanzar.

Do something you know for sure will relax you and make you forget about the breakup. Remember, you’re trying to relax, so phones and social media should be off limits.

Para curarte, tienes que mimarte. Levanta el ánimo dándote un capricho.

6. En busca del cierre

¿Todavía sueña con tu ex? Do you think that you can’t move on without proper closure? That’s perfectly okay, and you should get closure if you think it’ll help you heal completely.

La entrenadora de citas, Claire Byrne, dice: “Our brain is fixated in believing that the only option for our peace and the mending of our heart is having closure with our ex.”

So, if this is the way you think your heart will be healed, you can get rid of all the reminders of your past relationship…

You can talk with your ex for one last time… you can do whatever you think will bring that closure to you, but don’t allow it to take you a few steps back and protract your healing process.

¿Cuánto dura una fase de ruptura?

Aunque algunos expertos en relaciones afirman que la fase de ruptura dura entre 3 y 4 meses, lo cierto es que nadie puede darte una respuesta precisa a esta pregunta porque depende de muchas cosas.

Kristina Hallett, psicóloga clínica, lo explicó perfectamente: “It depends on how long you were involved, how strongly you felt, how invested you were, and how important it was”.

The best (and, in my opinion, the only right) answer to this question is – as long as you need it to last. Date tiempo para pasar por todas estas etapas de una ruptura y, lo que es más importante, dale a tu corazón tiempo y espacio para hacer el duelo como es debido.

Simply, some people go through it all very fast, and they feel ready to move on with their life, while, on the other hand, there are some who don’t feel fully recovered for months or even for years.

Don’t volver a la piscina de citas if you don’t feel completely ready for it. Stop focusing on time and some other unimportant things… you only need to focus on yourself and your healing. That’s how you’ll heal successfully and sooner than you think.

¿Cómo se vive una ruptura?

Uno de los pasos más importantes en recuperación tras una ruptura es afrontar y aceptar tus sentimientos, incluso las más oscuras y negativas.

Ojalá pudiéramos saltarnos de algún modo la fase de negación y saltar de inmediato a la de aceptación. Eso nos ayudaría a curarnos mucho más fácil y rápidamente.

However, the important thing is that you will never be able to deal with your emotions if you don’t accept them completely. And, the truth is that the sooner you face them, the sooner you’ll be able to get through it all and move on.

¡Cree en la fuerza de tu ser divino!

You are a person who was left with a broken heart, but didn’t allow it to break you completely. You didn’t allow it to break your soul or your spirit.

You’re a fighter, and you’ll continue to fight this, and very soon, you’ll win your fight. After some time, you’ll be ready to close this chapter of your life and open a new, much better one.

But, the only way you’ll get through it is by keeping faith in yourself. You’re a caterpillar right now and this is your metamorphosis that will help you turn into a beautiful, strong butterfly. Sólo tienes que seguir creyendo en ello.

La esperanza de un mañana mejor aligerará la carga del presente.

I know you’re having a hard time accepting that your relationship has ended, and dejar ir a la persona que aún amas, but trust me, one day, you’ll look at it as your greatest lesson… your life lesson.

You just have to keep believing in true love, and have faith that God has someone special for you… that your soulmate is somewhere out there and that they’re coming your way.

Once you meet them, you’ll finally understand that you had to go through all this pain to find them. You’ll actually feel thankful for this heartbreaking experience because it led you to finding true love.

¿Cuáles son las 5 etapas del duelo?

A lo largo de la vida, todos experimentamos distintos tipos de dolor. Sin embargo, todos los manifestamos y afrontamos de forma muy similar.

In 1969, the world-famous psychiatrist, Elizabeth Kübler-Ross, wrote a book called On Death and Dying, where she described five common stages of grief. It is now known as the Kübler-Ross model or DABDA.

5 etapas del duelo por ruptura

Así pues, durante el proceso de duelo, todos tenemos que pasar por estas cinco etapas del duelo. Puede que todos los experimentemos y afrontemos de forma diferente, pero el hecho subyacente es que todos ellos forman parte de nuestro proceso de duelo.

Estas etapas son:

1. Denegación

Esta es la primera etapa del proceso de duelo y, en mi opinión, la que prolonga el proceso de recuperación.

We start denying that it is happening to us because we simply can’t come to terms with our new reality. We can’t accept that our loved one has hurt us or that they are no longer a part of our life.

2. Ira

En realidad, se trata de una emoción muy normal del proceso de duelo, y deberíamos aceptarla completamente.

Puede que estemos enfadados con nosotros mismos por haber perdido a la persona que amábamos, o puede que estemos enfadados con ella porque nos dejó. Whatever your reason is… you need to face this emotion and focus on dealing with your anger before it consumes you completely.

3. Negociación

This stage of grief occurs when we start obsessing over the endless ‘what ifs’. It’s actually understandable behavior; however, we need to find a way to retrain our brain.

Your breakup was something that needed to happen, and no matter what you did or could do, you just couldn’t prevent it. Blaming yourself won’t help you cope with your trauma; it’ll only affect and harm your mental health even more.

4. Depresión

The second-to-last stage of the grieving process is when you finally start understanding what’s happening, but you still aren’t ready to accept it.

That’s when your ride on the emotional roller coaster starts. Es posible que sientas toda una gama de emociones que van desde la tristeza sin fondo hasta la frustración.

You’ll enter into a state of utter hopelessness and depression.

5. Aceptación

Hopefully, you’ll come out of that state soon and face your new reality. You’ll come to the final stage (and the most important one) of your grieving process, and that is acceptance. Ahí es donde reside tu felicidad futura.

You’ll understand that you need to move on with your life with or without that person in it. After all, you can’t change your past… you can only accept it and let it change you.

En conclusión

Pasar por una ruptura y afrontar todas sus consecuencias es desgarrador. Independientemente de quién haya sido el iniciador, lo cierto es que una ruptura es casi siempre un proceso doloroso para ambas partes.

I know that sometimes, no matter what you do, you just can’t come to terms with your breakup. No matter how much you try, you just can’t face and accept your new reality.

It might seem like the end of the world to you right now, but trust me, and this comes from a person who has gone through all of these stages of a breakup several times… it’ll get better with time.

These are not just some words of consolation… this is something that I can honestly promise to you.

You’ll heal sooner than you think, and you’ll leave it all in the past. You know why? Because I know you’re much stronger than you think you are.

Yo creo en ti y tú también deberías. Better days are coming. The clouds will drive the rain away and the sun will come… shining brighter than ever.

I’m sending you a big virtual hug, and I am wishing you get through these stages of breakup as smoothly as possible – and move on as fast as possible.