After being left with a broken heart so many times, one question was constantly on my mind, “Why do I catch feelings so fast and so soon in a relationship?”
Okay, I admit it. I was also guilty for all those times my heart was broken because I gave my heart in the palm of my hand to people before I even gave them a chance to prove they were worth it.
However, I know I’m not alone, and that’s my comfort. There are so many people who catch feelings too quickly.
There are so many of us who just hate to be single and who are jumping from relationship to relationship and fall way too easily in love.
I think it’s also partly because we have a pure heart and we think all other people have one, too. We could never hurt a person, and we think other people have the same thinking.
I’m really sorry I have to be the one who breaks it out for you, but that’s not how things work.
There are so many people who don’t care for another person’s feelings and who’ll stay with you only as long as they can use you.
Falling in love is a process, and like any other process, it needs time. It shouldn’t be easy, and most importantly, it should never be too fast.
You must go step by step and respect every part of that process. There are no shortcuts in falling in love. Well, there can be, but to be honest, it will never lead you to a good and healthy relationship.
I know we can’t control and command our hearts, but we definitely can our minds.
In order to prevent falling in love too quickly, and avoid a possible heartbreak, we must first realize what triggers our hearts to catch feelings for another person so soon.
Why do I catch feelings so fast?
I was basically that kind of person who caught feelings on the very first date. It only led me to many heartbreaks, and neither I got the fairytale I was dreaming about, nor the happy ending.
Fortunately, I was able to realize why I was falling in love too easily and way too quickly.
If you have similar issues and are currently asking yourself, “Why do I catch feelings so fast?”, then I hope you’ll find an answer in these red flags below.
If you didn’t get your needs met as a child, you’ll probably spend your life looking for someone who’ll compensate you for the affection and love you didn’t get in your childhood.
You’re probably dealing with abandonment issues and you’re constantly trying to find someone who’ll love you honestly, protect you from the rest of the world, and most importantly, someone who will never go away and leave you.
You’re looking for those parental figures in everyone you meet, and that’s why you’re falling in love so often and so fast.
There is one thing you really need to understand. It’ll change your life completely and make you a happier person. You need to understand that you have yourself and that’s perfectly enough.
You aren’t that little child anymore. You don’t need anyone to protect you and you definitely don’t need to make anyone fall in love with you.
You have love already in your life, you have self-love and it’s the purest and most special kind of love.
Being drawn to a person’s shiny attributes.
It’s okay to be attracted to someone’s looks, but don’t fall in love with that only. There are so many other qualities you should look for in order to make and maintain a healthy relationship with another person.
Physical appearance is what draws you to a person, but character and personality are what make you fall honestly in love with that person.
You must learn to look deeper. Don’t fall for what you see on the outside (for a person’s appearance only)… that’s overvalued. Things that are inside of us are what matters truly.
And, in order to find them out, you’ll have to wait, spend some time with a person and get to know them a little bit better. You can’t get to know those things right after the first date, but remember, all good things are worth waiting for.
Always thinking with my heart, never with my head.
I know that there is a constant battle happening inside each and every one of us all the time, especially when we fall in love.
It’s a battle between our heart and our mind. I think that the winner is our heart almost always, even though it’s not such a good thing.
It’s okay to listen to your heart sometimes, but you must also take into consideration what your logic is telling you.
I know it’s hard to listen to your mind with all those butterflies dancing in your stomach, but sometimes, it’s really necessary to do so for your own well-being.
We all get blinded by love sometimes and it makes us do some foolish and reckless things. If you like a person and they invite you out, stop right there and calm yourself down first.
Just because they’re nice to you and they look truly amazing doesn’t have to mean they’re your soulmate, and it’s not okay to fall in love immediately with that person.
I believed in love at first sight, of course.
I believed in LOVE… in every kind, shape, or type of love there is. I believed in soulmates and all other things regarding true love. Simply said, I was in love with love.
Don’t get me wrong here; it’s okay to believe in all those things, I still do. My mistake was that I didn’t know the right definition of true love and love at first sight.
I didn’t know that there is a difference between falling in love with someone and simply liking someone.
I liked a person’s appearance the first time I saw them, and I instantly thought how I was in love with that person and how it was true love at first sight.
It wasn’t. It never was. I wanted it to be, but honestly speaking, it was never anything more than just pure attraction, infatuation and lust.
I couldn’t stand the bare thought of being single.
For me, being single meant being lonely, and I was so afraid, actually terrified of being lonely. I jumped into new relationships too quickly and too soon only because I didn’t want to be alone.
As soon as I broke up with a partner, I would immediately activate my old profile on some dating apps and find someone new. And, I would catch some feelings for that person while we were just texting before even meeting them face to face.
One day, I asked myself, what’s wrong with being single and why am I catching feelings so fast and thinking about how it will make me happier.
Fortunately, I realized I should embrace my single life and wait for someone who’s going to be worth changing my relationship status.
I always thought I needed someone to complete me.
Somehow, I always felt like I was incomplete, like there was a part of me missing and how only the right person could fill that gap.
Only now do I understand how wrong I was. God made us complete and He made us perfect just the way we are.
Yes, He also agrees that we all need that other person, but they should only be there to love, support and encourage us to be better people every day of our lives.
Even though I had a really hard time accepting this little fact about me, I have to honestly admit that it was so true.
I was emotionally immature and that was also one of the reasons why I was falling in love so fast and jumping from relationship to relationship so often.
I never gave myself enough time to process my feelings the right way. I always looked at the good things in a new relationship while I was sweeping all the bad ones under the rug.
I didn’t have an understanding of my own emotions, so how could I understand my boyfriend’s, then.
And, in order to have a good and healthy long-term relationship with someone, understanding and good communication are the most important things.
Lack of self-awareness.
I never put myself on the top of my own priority list because I always felt like that place should be reserved for my ‘better half’. Well, to hell with that.
First of all, I’m not looking for ‘my half’ anymore because I’m very well aware of my wholeness now.
And, it definitely couldn’t be a ‘better half’ because I have realized my self-worth, and in the very first place on my priority list, I’ve finally put a person there who deserves it the most – myself.
I never quite had a positive opinion about myself and every time a man praised my look or complimented me in some unusual way, I was all like “Well, hello, my new boyfriend”.
My mental health wasn’t so good either. I was struggling with depression and anxiety, and that made me feel so empty inside that it’s simply unexplainable.
I was constantly looking for someone who would be able to fulfill that emptiness… to bring that peace, joy and calmness back into my life.
Every time someone makes me feel good about myself and my life, I would immediately start thinking, “That’s it, I finally found the right person”, when, in fact, they were so far from being the right one.
I had very poor standards.
Because of my low self-esteem, I really thought I was unworthy of being loved, and it made me lower my standards way too much.
I didn’t think about compatibility or whether our relationship had the potential for going the long term.
If someone behaved nicely to me in the beginning and treated me well, I would instantly develop some feelings for that person.
Fear of genuine attachment.
Yes, I know, this is such irony, but trust me, it’s definitely true. I did jump from relationship to relationship and fall in love way too soon, but it was all because I was actually afraid of commitment.
I was afraid of a long term relationship. I didn’t want to attach to anyone, and that’s why I would check feelings for a new person as soon as I ended a relationship.
Fortunately, I now realize that commitment is way better than jumping from relationship to relationship without any dreams, plans and goals for the future.
Not being wise enough to learn from past experiences.
Am I the only person who’ll never be able to learn from her own mistakes? Falling in love so quickly only made me more miserable and brought me many heartbreaks.
People say that our mistakes come with one clear purpose… to earn us some valuable lessons.
Even after so many broken hearts, I couldn’t realize how I was also guilty of breaking my own heart so many times. I was guilty of giving my heart so easily and so soon to people who never deserved it.
How do you stop catching feelings so quickly?
Yes, we finally came to the most important part. Love is a very heavy word, and it shouldn’t be used so easily and so often.
Below are some efficient tips that will help you avoid catching feelings so quickly, and this will definitely save you from getting hurt and getting your heart broken.
It’s time to rethink what LOVE actually means.
What is your definition of love? What do you think… how to fall in love the right way? Which qualities does the other person need to have to make you fall in love with them?
Redefining love is also a process and it starts from the inside out. Before you fall in love with someone else, you need to fall in love with yourself first.
All the madness and thinking about how you can’t live without that other person is just the beginning phase of love. True, deep love is so much more than that.
It’s a beautiful, but very challenging and difficult journey with many, many obstacles along the way.
It’s accepting to go through everything with that one person who makes your heart sing and love them equally through all those ups and downs.
You can feel the spark on the first date, but it’s way too early to catch some honest feelings or to fall in love. That’s something that really demands time, understanding, sacrifices and a lot of hard work.
Take things slowly.
Don’t jump the gun and fall head over heels for another person before you get to know them. It won’t end up well, trust me.
You’ll end up hurt and disappointed. And, the worst thing is that you can’t blame anyone else for that… the only culprit in that story would be you.
There is no need to hurry. You should give both of you time to get to know each other and make a genuine connection slowly. In my opinion (and based on my own experience, too), the faster you fall in love, the faster you’ll fall out of love.
Nurture the relationship you have with yourself.
I think that the best answer to ‘Why do I catch feelings so fast?’ is neglecting the relationship I have with myself for too long.
I was constantly looking for someone who’ll love me honestly and unconditionally, someone who’ll love and accept all of me. I was looking for that true love while all that time, it was inside me. I just had to rediscover it again.
So, my advice to you is to shift the focus back to yourself. Fall in love with yourself again. Choose yourself above everyone and everything.
It’ll help you to understand what your true love values are. Self-love always comes with self-care.
Once you fall in love with yourself again, you’ll revamp your self-worth and you won’t start catching feelings for someone else before they prove to you that they’re worth it.
Learn to recognize your emotions.
Those things you feel at the beginning of a new relationship are only lust and pure infatuation. Those aren’t honest feelings of love and you shouldn’t give too much importance to them.
See the situation for what it really is. I know we can easily be carried away with that beginner phase of infatuation in a relationship, but you must recognize it and draw a dividing line between it and real love.
This is also a part where you should trust your head more than your heart. First, observe and recognize your emotions, then accepting and sharing them is the last step.
Don’t make yourself too available.
Being too available for your loved one isn’t the best way to prove to them you’re honestly in love with them. That will make you more vulnerable and lead you to losing your self-respect.
Unfortunately, being too available for others will make them take you for granted because they know you’ll always be there.
Don’t be so available to people who don’t respect your presence at all. Your absence will make them realize your true worth, and it will make them fight for you and your heart.
Give yourself some time before you go back into the dating game.
It’s time for full dating apps and social media detox. It’s time to stop jumping from relationship to relationship searching for happiness and true love.
Take some time for yourself. You won’t mend your broken heart by falling in love again and starting a new relationship.
That’s not healthy, and no matter how good that other person will be, you won’t be able to maintain a healthy relationship with them.
You have to set yourself free of the emotional baggage from a previous relationship before you start a new one.
Take a step back every time you start feeling something.
Every time you catch yourself thinking that you’ve started developing some romantic feelings for another person, you should pull away.
Taking a step back can sometimes be a step forward, indeed. Think about what attracted you to that person and whether those reasons and the other person’s values are valid and enough for you to fall in love with them.
Try to hold off the physical contact until you get to know the other person better and make a stable emotional connection with them.
Being intimate with another person leads to feelings and that is something we want to avoid, right? So, choose cinema dates instead of ‘Netflix and chill’ kinds of dates.
Delaying intimacy has many more benefits than drawbacks. It’ll help you build some important foundations of a healthy relationship, such as trust and effective communication, and it’ll also strengthen the bond between you and your partner.
To wrap up
I have wondered for so long why I catch feelings so fast because I was aware that it was unhealthy. I always knew it was the main culprit for getting my heart broken so many times.
Catching feelings so quickly only means that you aren’t able to control your own emotions.
This can attract many toxic and false people into your life. Believe me, the key to attracting the right person into your life is the art of being able to navigate your emotions.
Falling in love is a process. It demands time and hard work. I hope these tips will help you fall in love slowly like you’re in a fairy tale… slowly, but forever.
Don’t give your heart to someone too soon because they won’t know what to do with it.
You might surprise them so much that they’ll drop it and snap, and your heart will be shattered once again all over the floor.