Did you go out on a first date with a girl and still haven’t heard from her? Or have you met someone on a dating app? Or, could your girl be giving you the silent treatment, and you don’t know what to do?
Whatever your current situation, it’s irrelevant. The important thing is that a single question has been occupying your mind lately, and that is: should I text her or not, am I right?
Well, texting rules may be confusing sometimes, and it’s perfectly normal that you feel confused and maybe even a bit scared about your next move. That doesn’t make you any less manly because the truth is, we all feel that way when we really like a girl.
Just follow this guideline, and you’ll figure out whether you should text her or not and when the right time to do that is. Also, you’ll find out the most common mistakes guys make when texting women that cost them leaving a good impression.
Should I Text Her? 17 Things To Think About First
Before you actually type your message and tap that send button, here are some questions you should ask yourself first. Be honest with yourself because only sincere answers will help you make the right decision.
1. What’s your current mood?
Your current mood is one of the most important factors that determine whether it’s really a good idea to text her or not. In other words, if you’re in a bad mood, angry or tired after you had a busy day or something like that, you should probably leave it for tomorrow.
If you’re happy and relaxed, then you have the green light when it comes to texting the girl you like. After all, the most important thing to do if you want to win over a girl is to make her laugh. Humor is always the safest way to a girl’s heart.
2. Why is it such a big deal to you?
Why are you making such a big deal over it? It’s just a text – what’s the worst that could happen after you hit that send button?
Ahh, I get it. You like her and are worried about how she feels about you. You know that her reply may be a good indicator of her feelings toward you, and that seems pretty scary to you. That’s why it’s such a big deal to you and you want to think about it before you decide to send her a text.
3. What is your current relationship status?
Are you currently single or in a relationship with another girl? If it’s the first case, if you’re single, then there’s probably no reason not to send her a text.
On the other hand, if you’re dating someone, why are you even thinking about texting her? Wouldn’t that be unfair to your current partner?
I mean, it’s okay if she’s just a friend and you want to send her a friendly text, but I doubt it because you wouldn’t be thinking about whether you should send her that text this much. If she’s a friend, you would text her without even thinking about it.
Before you decide whether you should text her or not, think about your partner and how it would make her feel if she found out that you’ve sent another girl a text. If you care about your partner, you will never put her in that position.
4. It depends on what your intentions are
You need to think about the real reason you want to send her a text. And it’s important to be honest with yourself because it’s the only way you’ll come to the right decision.
If you miss her, want to get your girl back, or invite her out, you should send her a text without thinking about it any further. On the other hand, if you’re looking to have some fun because you have too much free time, then don’t text her because you might hurt her.
If you aren’t really into her, it would be unfair to keep texting her and stringing her along. Find something else to have fun with because it’s never a good idea to play with a person’s feelings.
5. Did you meet in person, or were you texting online?
Did you meet online, and texting was and still is your only form of communication? Or, on the flip side, have you met in person but haven’t texted since?
In the first case, it’s okay to send your girl a good text and make sure to keep your text conversation going.
If you’ve met face to face, you should think about the reason you still haven’t heard from her, or if you think your first date in person went well, be a gentleman and reach out to her first. Who knows, maybe she’s waiting for your text the same way you’re waiting for hers.
6. Did you leave a good impression?
If you’ve met in person, you should think about the impression you left. If she has already told you that it was nice to meet you in person or that she had a good time with you, then you’ve probably left a good first impression.
7. Is she an ex?
If she is an ex, then it’s even more complicated to know what to do. Whether you should send her a text or not depends on so many things.
You need to think about how your relationship ended, when you talked to her last, and if there is a hidden agenda behind your wish to reach out to her. After you think about these things, you’ll know what to do next.
8. Did you do anything that may have upset her?
If you know you’ve made a mistake that hurt her, be very careful about your text. You can’t just slide into her inbox with a simple “Hello.”
You should apologize for what you did and do it fast. Otherwise, your girl may start thinking that you don’t care about her and block you on social media, so you’ll lose your chance to communicate with her again.
9. Have you already sent her a text?
If you’ve already reached out to her and sent her a follow-up text, but she left you without an answer, it probably wouldn’t be a good idea to text her again.
Just give her some more time to answer your previous text. And if that doesn’t happen, if she doesn’t reply, just leave her be because it’s a sign she doesn’t like you.
10. How did your last conversation end?
This is a very important question you should ask yourself. If your last conversation ended well, then it’s safe for you to reach out to her again.
On the other hand, if you had a fight the last time you texted, you can send her a text, but you need to be very careful about what you say. If you send her the wrong text, you may only make her angry and make things between you even worse.
11. Does she ever text you first?
If you’re the one to always initiate your text conversations, then you aren’t aware of the most basic rule of thumb when it comes to texting.
The texting ratio between you and your crush needs to be equal because that is the only way you’ll both know for sure you share the same emotions.
If she never texts you first, then you should know it’s a huge red flag she isn’t into you at all. If she responds to your texts, perhaps she does like you but, unfortunately, not in the same way you like her.
12. Are you familiar with how she feels about you?
Has she ever admitted to you or anyone else that she is interested in you too? If you were in a relationship, are you sure she still has romantic feelings for you?
It would be so much easier to answer your question, “Should I text her?” if you knew for sure how your girl feels about you. The fact is, no matter what’s going on between you, if she loves you, she will answer your texts sooner or later.
13. Are you currently chatting with any other girls?
If you’re registered on an online dating app, I suppose you chat with other girls too. Or, do you do it on social media?
The point is that you need to be careful, especially if you really like this girl. If she finds out you’re chatting with other girls online, too, it might be reason enough for her not to respond to your text.
If you’re into her, you should stop flirting with other girls. I know that men like to have backup plans, but it’s really unnecessary when you find a girl you want to be with.
14. What do you actually want to text her?
Is there a specific question you want to ask her? Is there a topic you want to talk about with her?
Or, do you simply want to text her because you miss her? This is also a justified reason – the thing is just that you need to know what you’ll text her before you do.
If this is the first time you’ll reach out to her, you need a good pickup line that will sweep her off her feet. And if you haven’t heard from her for quite some time, you can’t go with a simple “Hi” or “How are you?” text because she’ll just think that you have too much free time on your hands and want to have some fun.
After all, you can’t send her an empty text or just an emoji. Well, you can, but it would be a foolish and immature thing to do.
15. Is she on your mind 24/7?
Is the same “Should I text her?” thought on your mind constantly? If you can’t get that girl out of your head, then it’s worth taking the risk of sending her a text.
That way, at least you’ll know you’ve tried. You won’t regret missing your chance one day, and that will really mean something to you, as it should.
However, you should still try to keep things light and not immediately admit that you’re thinking about her constantly. That may scare and drive her away, and I know for sure that’s the last thing you want.
16. Are you ready to face the outcome?
You know that it may not have a happy ending, right? Even if you really try to send her a good text that will knock her off her feet, you may still end up rejected and heartbroken.
I know this hurts to hear, but you need to be aware of it. If you aren’t ready to handle the truth, no matter how ugly or great it is, you shouldn’t send your girl a text.
Wait until you gather the courage to accept the outcome and find a way to cope with it. In real life, not even princes and princesses always get their happy endings.
17. Weigh in on the pros and cons!
Before making a final decision, you should think about the pros and cons of sending her a text message and weigh in on them.
You may send her a good text that could lead to idle chit-chat with your girl, but you may also get rejected after you hit the send button. Or, even worse, you might get ignored, which hurts more than rejection, trust me.
You can’t know the outcome for sure, but you know what the pros and cons are. After you think about them and weigh in on them, everything will become clearer, and I’m sure you’ll make the right decision, the one that will be right for you.
When Should You Not Text Her?
There is no hard-and-fast rule when you shouldn’t text a girl, but there are some situations when it’s not a good idea to send your girl a text message, even if it seems like the hardest thing to do at the time. So, let’s find out what those situations are:
1. She made it clear that she doesn’t like you
I want to tell you about my bad experience with a girl I met on an online dating app. We had been texting for some time and then agreed to meet in person.
I thought that the meeting went quite well and decided to send her a good morning text the next day. All I got in return was a short and quick response.
I knew her texting style, and she was never a dry texter. Her response was a bit awkward, but I thought maybe she was having a busy day and decided to text her again in the evening.
I was thinking things like, “How often should you text a girl?” and “Should I text a girl and invite her on a second date a day after the first date?” I thought it might make me seem desperate, but I still decided to take the risk and sent her that text.
Maybe that was a turn-off for her, or I just didn’t leave a good impression after meeting-up. The bottom line is that she rejected me and blocked me on Tinder and all the other social media apps we were using to stay in touch.
So, it would be good for you to learn from my experience. The moment a girl shows you loud and clear that she isn’t into you is when you should turn your back on her and leave.
2. She is done with you for good
If a girl has broken up with you for good and made it pretty clear, you shouldn’t debase yourself by sending her texts constantly.
Go no contact and have faith that it’ll help you move on faster. After all, you can’t keep someone by your side who doesn’t want it. You can’t force her to stay with you, and no amount of texts will change a woman’s mind when she’s determined to leave you behind and move forward.
3. She asked you not to
If a girl has asked you to stop texting her, is there even a point in thinking about whether you should or not?
When we fall head over heels for someone who doesn’t reciprocate our feelings, we all tend to expect a huge turn and continue trying to win them over. However, that’s a mistake, and the sooner we understand this, the sooner we’ll be able to move on.
Besides, if you keep sending her texts and harassing her, she may report it to the authorities and ask for a restraining order. That will make you look like a real psychopath.
4. She’s already dating someone else
Here’s some dating advice from a guy who had to learn it the hard way: don’t ever text a girl who is already in a relationship with another man. Just trust me and don’t do it, bro.
After all, just think how you would feel if another man texted your girlfriend. Don’t interfere in someone else’s relationship, and don’t ruin other people’s happiness because karma is really a bitch.
5. She didn’t respond to any of your last texts
If you’ve already sent her a few text messages and didn’t get a reply to any of them, it’s clear that she doesn’t want to keep the conversation going with you.
She is ignoring you and hoping that you’ll get the message she is, in fact, trying to send to you. She isn’t interested, and you should back off!
Of course, there might be a good explanation when someone doesn’t respond to your text instantly. However, if they don’t reply for more than a day, it’s hardly possible that they aren’t doing it on purpose.
What Is The 3-Day Text Rule?
The most popular texting rule is called the 3-day rule. Most relationship experts and coaches think that 3 days is the amount of time you should wait before deciding to reach out and send your crush a text message.
It’s a piece of texting advice you’ll get from most dating experts. That way, you’ll give the other person enough space to think about you, and you’ll also get enough time to think about your feelings.
Also, you won’t seem clingy or possessive to your crush, which is highly important. The truth is, no one likes clingy people, and bothering someone with text messages 24/7 definitely won’t bring you anything good.
How Do You Make A Girl Miss You?
If you want to make a girl miss you, you need to give her space for her own needs while checking up on her regularly.
Have a life outside of your relationship. If you’re having a busy day, don’t just ditch your responsibilities when she calls you. Of course, she needs to be your priority, but she also needs to know that you’re a mature, responsible person who needs to behave that way.
Also, don’t always reply to her texts instantly. That will only make you too available, and here is a secret I want to reveal to you: girls don’t like availability. They want a good chase, and making her chase you is a hell of a way to make her miss you like crazy.
Will She Miss Me If I Give Her Space?
If you want me to be honest with you, no amount of time and space will make a woman miss you if she doesn’t have any feelings for you. She won’t even think about you because she’ll probably forget that you even exist.
On the other hand, if we’re talking about a woman who likes or is in love with you, giving her some space may make her understand that she actually can’t live without you. You know the saying, “absence makes the heart grow fonder,” and I really believe it’s true.
However, you need to be very careful. If you give her too much space, you might seem disinterested in her, and she might start doubting our feelings.
Just go with the 3-day rule and then send her a text first. Pay attention to her response time and the length of her replies. If she keeps sending you short answers, it may be a sign that your woman needs more space and alone time.
On The Whole
So, are you still in “should I text her or not?”’ stage, or have I helped you figure out the right answer? However, the truth is only you can come to the right decision.
Of course, your brain and heart need to agree. You shouldn’t allow your heart to come to a decision alone, nor should you allow your brain to.
Also, don’t think about whether she’ll text you back or not. Even if she decides to ignore your message and doesn’t reply, you shouldn’t allow it to make you sad.
At least you’ll know you tried. You won’t regret the missed chance sometime in the future, and whatever happens after you send the text, you should be proud of yourself.
You were fighting for the girl you liked. You didn’t back off or just sit on your hands and hope that she’d come to you by herself. You should be proud of yourself because you aren’t a coward but a strong man who isn’t afraid to follow his feelings and see where they’ll take you.