A Complicated relationship is a phrase we hear a lot these days. The term has become more widespread thanks to the now-famous Facebook relationship status option: It’s complicated.
A complicated relationship can mean an unsatisfactory love life, different views on life or simply a long distance relationship.
I always wondered what people must feel to declare such a thing and it turns out there are many factors contributing to the complexity of a relationship.
If you’re in a relationship in which you’re hesitant to call yourself a couple, I’m afraid you fall into one of these categories:
1. On-off relationship (which probably means he’s not the one)
It would be great if there was some universal guide on how to succeed in a relationship but the reality is that not only is there no guide, there are no rules at all. And everyone’s relationship is different.
There’s no right path. There’s just a scarily big amount of small and narrow streets everywhere.
Love is messy, people’s feelings are messy. If you’re in an on/off relationship, you know there are many reasons why people break up.
It can be a conflict caused by different personal characteristics, life background, stagnation or jealousy, for example.
A break up is followed by feelings of loneliness, missing the old habits and lacking the comfort you had with your once significant other.
And that’s when things start to get complicated and are usually followed by a reunion. That’s where the roller coaster begins.
On/off relationships are full of uncertainty, pain and passion, which sounds like a good romance novel, doesn’t it?
However, it’s said that a real relationship should always feel safe and there should be understanding and that’s why you should probably think about leaving the roller coaster once and for all and continue your search somewhere else.
Somewhere where you’re going to be needed and loved all the time and without fear of losing your partner.
2. Friends with benefits
In the beginning, it sounds great.
You enjoy spending time with each other for casual time and sexy time. Why not?
No strings attached sounds like a good plan but in reality, it falls flat. Someone’s gonna catch feelings sooner or later and it’s going to turn into hell. I’ve seen it happen many times.
Your sex lives may be great now but soon, your heart could be broken over a simple, ”We’re just friends, right?”
It’s normal for human beings to feel other types of closeness after being physically close and the friends with benefits term unfortunately often means avoiding responsibilities and acting recklessly.
Before stepping into a relationship like this, think about the consequences.
I know Mila Kunis looks like the coolest person on earth in that movie ‘Friends with Benefits’ but even she catches feelings in the end. And you don’t want to be the one who’s saying, ”It’s complicated”.
3. Long-distance relationship
It’s no secret that long-distance relationships can get difficult. In order to succeed, you need to put much more effort in than with regular relationships.
Why? Your communication can get tiring.
It sometimes gets exhausting to write or talk about everything that happened throughout your day, every single day. You want them to be there when it happens instead.
They don’t know your friends and vice versa and friends are a big part of your life too.
You don’t have the physical aspect of a relationship and we can all agree that’s pretty important. Plus you don’t know when you’re going to see each other and it gets hard to live in uncertainty and anticipation.
Every new year together gets tougher.
Other than that, there are factors such as the financial burden or that there’s no way for the relationship to progress. In that case, you should think about your future together realistically.
Is it going to work or not?
If you want it to work, you need to put the effort in and probably take risks and the same goes for him. If he’s not willing to put your relationship first, you’re better off without him.
4. He’s silent about you on social media
This might sound strange but think about it. Have you ever felt like he’s hiding you or being unnecessarily secretive?
He never takes pictures with you or when he does, they never make it to his profiles. He never writes cute captions or tags you in cute posts.
If you’re in a brand new relationship, that might be okay but after some time, it tends to become suspicious. You feel like he doesn’t appreciate you enough, like he’s not proud to be yours.
It makes you feel like he’s having second thoughts or not taking you seriously.
Try asking him why he acts like that. If his answers are vague and unsatisfying, that means he’s maybe hiding something or he doesn’t care enough.
Move forward and find someone who’s going to make you feel great and appreciated.
5. It feels like you’re nothing more than a hook-up
The last thing you want is to feel like just a hook-up. If you’re into him and want a long-term relationship and he treats you like a rebound, that’s not it.
The ways you’ll know you’re just a hook-up are when:
- He has excuses to not spend the night after you’ve been together.
- He doesn’t take the time to get to know what you’re like, what you love to do, your tastes or hobbies.
- He doesn’t bother to answer your messages even when he reads them.
- He avoids meeting your friends and doesn’t talk about you to his friends.
- He doesn’t make any effort to make you feel special.
- He doesn’t show his affection in public.
I’m sorry but if you’re experiencing this, it probably means he doesn’t see you as a long-term partner or maybe he’s just a member of the bad boys club.
6. You never had a healthy relationship before
Maybe it’s complicated because you don’t know what it feels like when it’s not complicated. Maybe you’ve been hurt before and your defense mechanism is constantly telling you to watch out if something is off.
You overanalyze every situation because you have learned that things are not always what they appear to be. And that’s okay.
It takes time to heal and trust yourself and others again. You learned that it takes more than a simple I love you for things to work out.
At the end of the day, you need to have a clear and uncomplicated relationship with yourself first in order to have the same with someone else.
7. You love each other but know that’s just not it
You love each other, you care about each other, you text all day. You feel supported and comfortable but something is missing.
Sometimes it feels like they’re your best friend rather than your lover. It’s like there’s something left unsaid.
Neither of you ever said you’re a couple. You just happened to be there for each other when you needed it and now it just is what it is—some form of undefined partnership with no certain objective.
And no objective means a lack of true interest.
So before it all turns into a jumbled mess and becomes a situationship, wish each other good luck and move on.
8. Forbidden relationship
Here comes the epitome of complicated. Maybe he’s your friend’s ex, maybe he has a wife or maybe you just know he’s not good for you.
You both know you shouldn’t be doing it but it just feels so good.
Try asking yourself whether you’re really in love or if you’re maybe subconsciously a thrill-seeker. You probably already know the answer.
After all of this, we can conclude that a complicated relationship is just a term we use to express much more complex problems. It goes beyond your Facebook status.
If you are in this kind of a relationship or you’re entering one for the first time, remember that there is no better relationship advice than your own gut feeling.
I also had to share these complicated relationship quotes because they describe the struggle so well:
”Love isn’t complicated, people are.”
”If you want me in your life, put me there. I shouldn’t be fighting for a spot.”
”Somehow you are both the best and the worst thing that has happened to me.”
”It hurts having you close but it would hurt even more not having you at all.”
”You and I will always be unfinished business.”
”We’re more than friends but less than a couple.”
”You didn’t love her. You just didn’t want to be alone. Or maybe she was good for your ego. Or maybe she made you feel better about your life but you didn’t love her, because you don’t destroy the person that you love.”
”Love isn’t safe. And whoever you love will hurt you. It’s part of the human experience. No one is perfect… People make mistakes. The secret is to focus on what they do right and decide what quirks you can live with.”
”There are no simple love stories. If it’s simple, it’s not love. If it’s love, it’ll get complicated.”
And my personal favorite: ”Sometimes the love of your life comes after the mistake of your life.”